This journal is not a happy one so anyone who doesn't feel like reading it should leave now. And as much as i wish this was a cosmic april fools joke on me it's not.

As most of you know i'm moving to Georgia with what was supposed to be a move to help me fix all the things that are wrong and messed up in my life, but alas fate seems to want to throw my balls into a meat grinder right now. My company has been restructured and as such they have cut the amount of jobs for my position. But there was hope and i tried getting a transfer down there and a month ago everything seemed fine, i had a position to go to and everything was peachy. But they never told me when i'd start and which position i'd exactly be doing. So last friday 8 days before i move i get a phone call saying there is no position available for me and they shouldnt have offered me anything in the first place. Wow, nothing fucks you over like corporate america. Way to waste a few weeks that i could have been looking for another job. Naturally that night I called out of work otherwise i would have gone in solely to quit the company, but even a job for a sucky company is better than no job. And that's certainly the first time i've ever called out to go drinking that has been considered an excused absence by work.

Sure i have people here in corporate and store levels complaining about it to how they bullshitted me for no reason, but theres little hope for that resulting in anything. So for now Im attempted to take a demotion just to keep a job for when i get down there. A demotion that will make me lose about $15,000 a year in pay. And when money has been hard on me for several reasons... such as my roomate being behind 2 months on rent and so forth I'm 2 months behind on several of my bills which will no be behind even further.

I'd be in the largest manic-depressent low ever right now if it wasn't for a few friends of mine that even in one of the hardest times in my life can still make me smile. And seeing how my last huge low effected me I owe them more than they will ever realize. Sure i'm depressed and haven't slept in 5 days, but i know i could be doing worse. Sure the paycheck i strategically planned to get the day before i move is the lowest paycheck ive had in a year and a half, sure my only plan for the future is to wait and see what happens one day at a time, but ive been down before, i fight and survive. I may be working 2 jobs at 40 hours each a week just to barely make what i am now, but i'll survive. I just need to get that second job.

I dont write this journal for sympathy or for hopes of anyone being able to help, nobody can. We all have our struggles in life and how we deal with them defines our character and who we are in life. Hell it's life that's what happens. I just wrote this because writing has a therapeutic effect on me and getting almost everything down in words in front of me it doesnt seem as bad as it feels. There are more important things in life than a job/home/car. Also for obvious reasons i wont be around here for a while, not that i've been that active recently anyway. So if youve read this the whole way, you have more patience than i thought you did. And to my friends that refuse to let me be all emo, thankyou <3


Until next time
Todd...